Let's Talk Language

05 March 2014

Hit it Tore up Broke it Gave it up Turn up Get it Eat it out Go down Beat up Pump it

I must be one of the few people who think all these words sound more like a description for some violent scene in a movie than sex. And yet these are terms we use to describe sex. Not being married, I can't say what words married people use to describe their sex life. I think we need to relook at the terms we use to describe sex. We have fancy words for almost everything. Why can't we do the same when describing sex? Our sexual language is problematic, to quote Al Vernacchio: It's sexist. It's heterosexist. It's competitive. It's goal-directed. And it can't result in a healthy sexuality developing in young people or in adults.

The language we use to describe sex is only the beginning of the problem. After addressing the issue of language, we have to talk about how we engage in it. In the sixty's, casual sex had an ideology behind it. It wasn't just about sleeping with as many people as you can. Rather it was about being sexually liberated.

Living in an age of instant satisfaction it may be time we re-evaluated the instant satisfaction sales pitch we seem to be sold on. News, food, work, even wealth can be instant. It's all good and well to want instant satisfaction. Physically, instant satisfaction may be done. The physical scars and injuries can easily be seen and dealt with instantly. However emotional and mental scars are only felt and seen by the person experiencing the injury. The person doesn't even know how deep the scars are until they decide to deal with it. Why then do we continue to be sold on the idea of sharing ourselves with just about anyone at the mere promise of a temporary high that has long term consequences from which we may never recover? We know that physical casual engagements give the illusion of being close to someone. Truth be told, the intimacy only lasts as long as the moment. Even though we know this we still fall for the illusion. We need to be aware that our emotional and mental development has not caught up to the instant lives we live.

The question is how we begin to develop a healthy sexuality collectively as a society. It is about asking yourself what your convictions on the subject are, and living a life that reflects those convictions. Society is made up of individuals we don't all have to have the same convictions we just have to share the same goal.

Rakgadi Khobo

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